No name

I've been struggling guys!  I do fine when i'm with friends or family but when i'm alone I panic! Sometimes I wish I could put everyone elses life on hold so I can take five minutes to worry about myself but it's impossible!

School is stressing me out, I sit down to study and I don't know where to start. I sit in class and worry about my family and my friends. So far I've been doing good this semester in school but this week has been a trial. I'm being pulled so many different directions that it makes it hard!

I don't really like the month of February it brings back some bad memories. But worst of all it's the month I lost my rock in my life. My grandma! I still don't understand why Heavenly Father would take her from me and my family. We never did anything wrong! I wanted her at my High School Graduation, I wanted to show her my pictures from the dances I went to. I wanted her to meet the boys I dated, and most of all I wanted her there when I was struggling.

My past is full of disappointments and heartaches but I know that everyday is a new day and as long as i make it tomorrow i'm doing fine! I'm not going to look past tomorrow because there is no reason to.

I am thankful for the people in my life who have never doubted me and stuck by through all my mistakes and failures! And I can promise you this, I'll stick by every single one of yours if you'll let me! My door is always open and i'm always here to listen!

Ringing in the new year

I've always hated New Years, It's a day of reflecting (which I also hate)......

I'm the type of person who never used their review mirrors (unless Backing up) You know the people who check them consonantly like in the movies when a shooter is driving behind them... Yeah well I never did. I always looked straight ahead. until one day I got rear ended by some punk. and after that I was checking behind me all the time. worrying that it would happen again. and you know what? every time i checked I remembered exactly how it felt to get in that accident.

Now when I apply that to my life. I've always been a pretty optimistic person. Cups always half full in my book....

Last new years was bitter sweet, It had been a rough year i overcame a lot of trials and heartaches. And at the time of New Years I was in love for the first time (I know BORING!) But seriously I was so excited and felt like it was MY turn to shine. After all the years of waiting in the back of the line I felt like number one!!!

Shortly after New Years I got kicked back to the bottom. I may have fallen in love faster then I was suppose to. but I know what I felt and I don't blame him at all. It wasn't his fault he didn't feel the same way. I always knew in the back of my mind that I didn't fit into his life style.


But now that's why I hate New Years because I hate looking back and seeing all the wrecks and accidents. I tend to not see the smiles and laughter. Because I think along the way those became a blind spot.

I know how pathetic this all sounds. the girl who wasn't loved back. and the guy who ruined her point of view. But I actually look at it as a good thing. I was always that girl who never saw anything bad coming. And now i'm ready. I'm ready for any accidents up ahead. And i'm not driving anymore. Heavenly Father is. and I know he'll guide me to where I need to be.


I hope you all have a fantastic New Years. and I look forward to the year 2013!!!

he who gives ,can also take

Lately i've been thinking a lot about all that i've been given but this last week I was taught how quickly it can all be taken away. I am so grateful for my heavenly father for looking over my dad and brother.

My heart goes out to families who have lost loved ones.


Everything happens for a reason.

xoxoxoxo

These last couple of months have been hard health wise.

• I found out I need to get a mole removed off of my head because it's cancerous 
• 
  
• I got a sinus infection and virul infection
• 
  
• I might have a kidney infection
• 
  
• I might have something wrong with my blood 

So pretty much at this point i want school to be over. Summer to come. :)



Keep your head up, some people would kill to see you fail 
- Unknown.

Love will make you beautiful!

The type of girl I am:

I've been thinking alot about how others view me. One thing i've figured out about myself is that I am very different from others.

I'm the type that:

blasts Indian music to make me feel better

loves winter for four reasons- Football, snowboarding, cuddling, and Christmas!!!

Loves to shop but doesn't take my time shopping (get in and get out)

Fast food was invented for me!!!!

I follow my heart and ignore my head.

getting hurt is a good excuse to grow

shoes are wonderful!!!

Water and Diet Coke are mandatory!!!

my nails always have to be painted!

I LOVE TAKING PICTURES!!!!

I am always up for a dance party!!

Sometimes i dream in black and white

I dream very often but usually my dreams are really scary and prevents me from sleeping.

I'd much rather have someone hold me then kiss me.

I hate being alone

laughter is really the best medicine

the cup is always half full

Without the gospel i'd be nowhere

Cut that out!!

So i've been thinking alot about what to write so many ideas have run through my head. And I think i've finally found a topic I feel strongly about. It's something I think we've all experienced.

"Learn to love what's good for you"

That's a phrase i'm sure we've all heard, or at least something along those lines. 

But what does it mean?

To me I look at it more as get the negatives out of your life.

I've seen so many people date people they don't truly like, are a negative effect on them, or don't bring out the best in them. 

So let me ask why do we do this?

Here are my opinions: 

1. You get in this comfortable funk and don't bother changing.
2. You think "I'll never be cared or loved like this again" < this right here is wrong DEAD WRONG!!!! You'll find someone who treats you better and actually loves you.
3. You are scared to lose that person all together. And you might but perhaps it's for the better. 
4. They just fit into your lifestyle, perhaps they get along with your family, your friends. 
5. Perhaps you aren't financially stable or you need this person psychologically. 

My advice is to view your life through anothers eyes. are you the same person?
does this person you are with bring out the best in you and lift you up to be a better person?

If not GET OUT!!!  

What a way to start the new year....

So I've always felt like new years was a funny thing. It's a day where we reflect back on our past 365 days and how we've grown and what we've lost. Then we decide to change ourselves to be better so we all make silly lists that include things like Lose weight, Go to another country, clean the house.......

You know it we all do it. Usually we don't actually go through with them but this year I'm sticking to mine. This past year I've grown up so so much.

I graduated from High School
I Went to another country and saw the most terrible things.
I started college less then a month after High school
I slacked off and lost something I've always wanted
I started a new college
I made relationship mistakes but learned so much from them
I got mono hahahaha still makes me laugh
I got a job!!!! which I LOVE!!!!!
And so much more!
I am so thankful for what 2011 brought me and I can only hope that I've learned from my mistakes last year and see what 2012 will bring.

As of today I'm changing the way I think of life and of people. I'm going to make myself happy, no more people pleasing. My life is about me now (wow i sound selfish!) but really I'm sick of getting hurt and of taking care of everyone else.

That's all for now!

XOXOXOXOXO

And it's a new semester....

Holy Cow! Time flys when your having fun! Christmas break was super fun!

I got to see family, hang out with some friends i feel like i haven't seen in forever, went on a couple dates with Travis, GOT A JOB at FANZZ!!!!! Yes it's a dream come true and yes i get paid to watch sports! 

So now i'm in my third semester of college. 
I was actually really excited to for this semester (nerdy!) I can tell it's going to be a challenge but I'm ready for it!

1st class is Student Success- I'm actually super excited for this class and not just because EMILY is going to be in it but also I'm hoping it will help me with my poor test taking. 

2nd class- English- I have this class with Ethan Stokes which will make it quite interesting! The teacher seems super chill which is great she's also polish! 

3rd class- American National Government- Also have with Ethan. Usually Government bores me but so far I love this class, I love the discussions that take place and hearing stupid comments from my fellow classmates!

4th class- Institute- Which of course will be wonderful minus the fact that my teacher has decided to take on the roll of matchmaker! 

last class 5th class- Biological Anthropology- Also with Ethan! This class looks super challenging but i am confident that i can pass and learn lots! also i get biology out of the way! yay!!!!

Thats all for now!

XOXOXOXO

 

My Phobias....

So I have a phobia and that phobia is germs.....
I go through so much hand sanitizer and worry about it constantly, Going to India helped me a ton I got over it for a little bit.
But no it's back, I worry about touching things mostly door handles, money and tabletops.
My poor future children are going to be limited on what they are allowed to do.....

Another problem I have is i'm a perfectionist. (with certain things)
I need things in order. If i'm at home, school, shopping at the store, even at other peoples houses.
I have things in a certain place. my room isn't spotless but everything has a place.

The past makes you who you are........

So many things make up who we are today. Lately I've been thinking about why I act the way I do. And it has made me realize I need to be more open about my past. I won't be telling the blog world everything. But here are somethings I've struggled with in my life.

-My skin- Growing up I always would get scars all over my legs and they would itch like no other. I would scratch them until they bled. It was horrible, I went to a doctor and he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. So we went to a specialist and he told me that I had a skin disorder (it has a really long name that I can never remember) I got medicated lotion and it has helped so much. Not only has this effected my legs but along with this disorder, I never broke out or had any acne. Which was nice but the price I had to pay playing tennis with my legs looking like that and the pain I got. I would have much rather have delt with zits. I will have scars for the rest of my life!

-Modeling Job- In Junior High me and my friend decided to try out for a modeling job. We both got it which was really exciting. But after talking it over with my family we all decided it would be better if I didn't take the job.

these are things I didn't tell people before because I was ashamed. but i'm not anymore! I'm proud of who I am and where I've come from.

My family is not rich, we are not clean, we don't always get along, we laugh alot, and we love each more then anything else!

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

XOXOXOXO

Have you ever liked someone who never returned it?

I love this song! it's Blame it on the rain by He is we!

Look it up!! AMAZING!!!




You got me caught in all this mess
I guess we can Blame it on the Rain
My pain is knowing I can't have you
(I can't have you)

*Chorus*

Tell me doe she look at you the way I do
Try and understand the words you say
and the way you move
Does she Get the Same big rush
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush
Tell me am I crazy, am I crazy

I catch my breath
The one you took the moment you entered the room
My heart it breaks at the thought of her holding you.

*Chorus*

doe she look at you the way I do
Try and understand the words you say
and the way you move
Does she Get the Same big rush
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush
Tell me am I crazy,
Or is this more then a crush

Maybe im alone in this
But I find peace in solitude knowing if
I had but just one kiss this whole room would be glowing
We'd be glowing
We'd be glowing

*Chorus*

doe she look at you the way I do
Try and understand the words you say
and the way you move
Does she Get the Same big rush
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more then a crush

*Chorus*

Tell me doe she look at you the way I do
Try and understand the words you say
and the way you move
Does she Get the Same big rush
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more then a crush?

Officially worst morning ever!!! (ok probably a little to dramatic)

I was sound asleep when the adams family theme song started playing... don't ask why the heck that's my alarm on my phone. it's 5:00am i get up and make sure my mom is up to catch her flight to Florida. I go back to sleep and a little before 7am day N night by Kid Cudi starts playing (thats my ringtone) I answer to my moms panicked voice "ERIN!!! you need to go to lehi and get my drivers license out of my car and bring it to the airport."

So being the good daughter i am i got up and put my glasses on grabbed some shoes a hoodie and my keys and left. still half asleep i drove to lehi as my dear mother called me every 5 minutes wondering where i was

I got her license and began stressing out as Utah drivers made me angry (minus the nice man in the saturn who let me in, i did yell 'thanks you're my hero' but i'm pretty sure he didn't hear me)

Got to the airport finally met my mom and gave it to her. "YOU OWE ME A LAPTOP" (thats me yelling at her. "okay!!! love you heres $20 go buy yourself a coke"

and then i drove back home and hurried and got ready for school

what i've learned from this is first off DO not drive with glasses on between the wrong prescription and the glare from the sun...no good

and also if you want something let someone make an mistake to get it!!!

One Day

I often reflect on my life and the kind of person i am and who i could be...

I look at the choices I've made and the ones I've turned down I look at the people who have come into my life and left.

I look at the amount of time I spend worrying about the people I love and sometimes wonder if I should be worrying about myself more.

I think about the fact that one day I'll be married to a wonderful man who will love me...

he will love me when I get sick

he will love me when I annoy him

he will stay up all night with me when I want to watch YouTube videos

we'll fight, say things we won't mean but no matter what we'll always love each other and "i'm Sorry" will never get old

One Day the pain I'm going through now will be over!

I can't wait until my One day!!!

Life

My life has been quite a roller coaster lately

I didn't get my dream job, and I didn't make it into the college that I wanted

I have three days to sign up for another college, which is extremely stressful

My allergies are being INSANE I sneeze like a thousand times today!!! My eyes itch like no other. so I end rubbing them and then my contacts move and there's makeup all over my face. Which is no good!!!

These are all minor set backs so I have decided to start looking at the positive things in my life!

because the good things always override the bad!

I have a loving family, yes this past week has stressed us all out but at the end of the day we are here for each other!!

I have the greatest friends they are here for me every step of the way! and encourage everything I decide to do.

And most importantly I have my Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ who know me personally and have a plan for me

So my advice to all of you lovely people is to cut the negative out of your life and enjoy it!!!!

WARNING: i'm blogging angry!!

Well I just received the worst phone call in history. After all my hard work this summer at BYU and my countless hours trying to get in for fall. I just got a call telling me I have NOT gotten in for fall. Do you realize what this means? Because I do!!
#1 I don't get to attend the school that i've wanted to my whole life
#2 that dream job that i got on campus.....yep lost that!!!
#3 Explaining to EVERYONE how and why i'm no longer at BYU
#4 All my new friends, yeah i won't get to see them very often.
And plenty other reasons.

well as you can tell i'm angry!!!

Everything happens for a reason i suppose.

What the random?!?!

So last night me and a bunch of YMADers went to comedy sportz and after walked McKell to her car in a parking garage in provo. we found this random old car with layers of dust on it. we investigated and it made me think of if i decided to run away and left my car in a parking lot what would happen! check out our fun pictures of our adventure!!